I wanted so much to like this book. Even the title speaks to me and to my experience of grief. After all, one of the most frustrating experience of grief is to have folks who haven't been through what you've been through decide that it's time for you to “move on.” It's hurtful not to mention kind of obnoxious. And while this book has potential and parts of it might be helpful (even though it's an older book there are not a lot of similar books out there) the gross homophobia in the book actually made me physically ill. On the three whole pages the author devotes to same sex spouses, she

1. Ignores the fact that same sex widows die from anything other than HIV/AIDS

2. Implies that gay men who die of AIDS are not supported by the community.

3. Says the following "the only positive thing that has come out of the AIDS epidemic is that it has matured and united the gay community. AIDS has taught gays the meaning of commitment to a cause and to relationships." Really? Really? We weren't committed to our relationships before that? Really? Of course, it's the exact opposite of the truth: which is that LGBT are very committed to relationships, a gay relationship is not something you just "fall into."

Anyway, as a lesbian who has lost not one but two partners (no, not to AIDS) looking for a book that would speak to my experience as a young widow, I had high hopes for this book. I tried to give it a chance, but I found everything within it suspect after reading this section. The author needs to watch some of the ACTUP Oral history series and really learn about the history of AIDS and the history of the LGBT community before she makes such sweeping (and weird) generalizations. I feel so badly for the same sex partners in her grief support groups. It seems almost malpractice level ignorance to me